By Janie Crouch
I love when authors I follow put their heads together and come up with an awesome collaboration. When it is Janie Crouch, writing for Susan Stoker’s Special Forces: Operation Alpha series, I am in awe.
Janie Crouch, like Susan Stoker, writes about the men and women who dedicate their lives to serving their country. And while some would scoff and say that the genre these two wonderful ladies write is cliché and caters only to readers who live and breathe military, alpha men (and women) romances, I would beg to disagree.
These two ladies—if you, dear reader, take a chance and read their creations (and I beg you, please do), you would see that they have one thing in common, and that is showing us, behind the written words, how to become better persons in a world filled with angst.
They teach us how to stand up to, and for, those who can’t. They teach us how to fight against those who refuse to believe that we are important.
Read between the lines of their stories, and you will realize that they are, through characters both flawed and solid, the ammunition we might just be looking for, to know that no matter what we are facing, we are strong. That we can face everything life throws at us, that we just must believe.
A case in point is Storm, another slam-dunk to Janie Crouch’s Linear Tactical series. Take the lessons behind the words to heart, for you, or someone else you know who may need them.
In Storm, Janie Crouch’s 10th book in her Linear Tactical series, we are introduced to Noah Dempsey, brother to Tanner Dempsey (from the author’s Risk Series: A Bree and Tanner Thriller) and cousin of Gavin Zimmerman (Redwood: Linear Tactical comes out January 2021).
Former Special Forces soldier Noah (Storm) is paired with Marilyn Ellis, mother of two precious kids, Sam, and Eva. Marilyn is a victim of domestic abuse of the worst kind—mentally, emotionally, and physically broken by a husband who turned out to be a sociopath.
Domestic abuse is never an easy subject, and this is true across cultures. In some patriarchal societies, women are still viewed as objects to be used and abused. Often women who are brave enough to admit that they are being abused are themselves shunned by their families, sometimes even by the society, they live in.
Like Marilyn, these women are conditioned to believe that they are less than—stupid, predictable, good for nothing but a means to vent someone else’s ire and perceived self-worth. Of course, let us acknowledge the fact that there are men out there who are also victims, but the fact remains that the number of women who suffer from domestic abuse is higher all over the world.
“It takes time to change the way we see ourselves. It takes time and conscious effort to undo years of conditioning. And that’s what has happened to you. Conditioning.”
~~ Storm, Janie Crouch
Most victims of domestic violence—often stripped of their self-worth—find it hard to accept the fact that they are victims. Years of conditioning and emotional trauma, especially when they are isolated from any form of help, reduce them to the belief that they deserve to become someone’s punching bag. Oftentimes they are conditioned to believe that they are the ones who had done wrong and must then accept the consequences of their mistakes.
Sadly, this type of thinking almost always ends in more violence, or even death.
The Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence (ACESDV) is correct in saying that “when the general public thinks about domestic violence, they usually think in terms of physical assault that results in visible injuries to the victim.”
This is only one type of abuse. There are several categories of abusive behavior, ACESDV says, each of which has its devastating consequences. Lethality involved with physical abuse may place the victim at higher risk, but the long-term destruction of personhood that accompanies the other forms of abuse is significant and cannot be minimized.
These types of abuse include control, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse & intimidation, isolation, verbal abuse such as coercion, threats, and blame, using male privilege, economic abuse, and stalking.
If you know or suspect that someone is a victim, please do not hesitate to speak up and let that person know that you are reaching out. Doing so might very well mean saving someone’s life.
How can you help?
Verywell Mind, an online resource partner of The Cleveland Clinic, gives nine tips that you can follow to help you support someone in an abusive relationship:
Make Time for Them If you decide to reach out to an abuse victim, do so during a time of calm. Getting involved when tempers are flaring can put you in danger. Also, make sure to set aside plenty of time in case the victim decides to open up. If the person decides to disclose years of pent-up fear and frustration, you will not want to end the conversation because you have another commitment.
Start a Conversation You can bring up the subject of domestic violence by saying “I’m worried about you because …..” or “I’m concerned about your safety…” or “I have noticed some changes that concern me…”
Maybe you’ve seen the person wearing clothing to cover up bruises or noticed that the person has suddenly become unusually quiet and withdrawn. Both can be signs of abuse.
Let the person know that you will be discreet about any information disclosed. Do not try to force the person to open up; let the conversation unfold at a comfortable pace.
Listen Without Judgment If the person does decide to talk, listen to the story without being judgmental, offering advice, or suggesting solutions. Chances are if you actively listen, the person will tell you exactly what they need. Just give the person the full opportunity to talk.
You can ask clarifying questions, but mainly just let the person vent their feelings and fears. You may be the first person in which the victim has confided.
Learn the Warning Signs Many people try to cover up the abuse for a variety of reasons, and learning the warning signs of domestic abuse can help you help them:
Physical Signs:
- Black eyes
- Busted lips
- Red or purple marks on the neck
- Sprained wrists
- Bruises on the arms
Emotional Signs:
- Low self-esteem
- Overly apologetic or meek
- Fearful
- Changes in sleeping or eating patterns
- Anxious or on edge
- Substance abuse
- Symptoms of depression
- Loss of interest in once enjoyed activities and hobbies
- Talking about suicide
Behavioral Signs:
- Becoming withdrawn or distant
- Canceling appointments or meetings at the last minute
- Being late often
- Excessive privacy concerning their personal life
- Isolating themselves from friends and family
Believe the Victim Because domestic violence is more about control than anger, often the victim is the only one who sees the dark side of the perpetrator. Many times, others are shocked to learn that a person they know could commit violence.
Victims often feel that no one would believe them if they told people about the violence. Believe the victim’s story and say so. For a victim, finally having someone who knows the truth about their struggles can bring a sense of hope and relief.
Validate the Victim’s Feelings It’s not unusual for victims to express conflicting feelings about their partner and their situation. These feelings can range from guilt and anger, hope and despair, love, and fear.
If you want to help, you must validate their feelings by letting them know that having these conflicting thoughts is normal. But it is also important that you confirm that violence is not okay, and it isn’t normal to live in fear of being physically attacked.
Reasons Why Victims Stay It can be hard to understand why someone you care about would seemingly choose to stay in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. A few reasons why victims believe it’s not easy to part ways with their abuser include:
- Fear of harm if they leave
- They still love their partner and believe they will change
- Their partner promised to change
- A strong belief that marriage is “for better or worse”
- Thinking the abuse is their fault
- Staying for the children
- Lack of self-confidence
- Fear of isolation or loneliness
- Pressure from family, community, or church
- Lack of means (job, money, transportation) to survive on their own
Offer Specific Support Help the victim find support and resources. Look up telephone numbers for shelters, social services, attorneys, counselors, or support groups. If available, offer brochures or pamphlets about domestic violence. Let the person know they are not alone and help is available. Call your local suicide hotline for immediate assistance and a referral to nearby counseling services or support groups.
Help Form a Safety Plan
Help the victim create a safety plan that can be put into action if violence occurs again or if they decide to leave the situation. Just the exercise of making a plan can help them visualize which steps are needed and to prepare psychologically to do so.
“Progress isn’t always linear.” She didn’t realize she’d said the words out loud until he responded. “It’s jagged. One step forward, two dozen steps back. But it’s still progress.”
~~Janie Crouch, Storm
Bitch N Books 
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