Phoenix (Linear Tactical #8)

by Janie Crouch 

Phoenix, aka Riley Harrison aka Boy Riley, is an adrenaline junkie who is also an undercover operative for Linear Tactical.

Riley Wilde, aka Girl Riley, is a nurse, and the love of Boy Riley’s life.

If you are a fan of Janie Crouch and her Linear Tactical series, you would have come across this couple from the start. You would have seen how they were with each other, witnessed the love that radiates from them even when Boy Riley is out and about, participating in hair-raising stunts and sporting events.

You would have fallen in love with the two, but of course, Janie Crouch just has to make sure that Boy Riley would be participating in the race for his life, as he fights for his Wildfire.

“I’m probably going to end up in a wheelchair at some point. It might be twenty years away, but it might be twenty months.” That didn’t scare him a bit. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. You’re still going to be my Riley. My Wildfire. You’ll just come with a set of wheels.”

~~Janie Crouch, Phoenix

This story hit me on different fronts.

I was an adrenaline junkie, albeit not like Janie Crouch, who is an ultra-marathoner. Me, I love the outdoors. I loved going on hikes twice a month, I loved exploring uncharted cave systems. I loved meeting people in isolated places–places some forbade me and my team to visit because the area was either known as teeming with “antigovernmental” forces, or the people were simply too distrustful of outsiders.

I loved the outdoors, but one climb made me realize that I had to give it up, that my life is more important than the rush of exploring the unexplored areas of my beautiful country.

Today, ten years from my last adventure with nature, I am dealing with health issues, foremost of which is lumbar scoliosis and cervical radiculopathy, which has hampered my movements. Add to that is a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, and being placed on medication to ensure that I can still go about my work, and yes, I am scared.

Of course, fibromyalgia is different from multiple sclerosis, Wildfire’s–Girl Riley’s, cross to bear.

According to an article written by Jon Johnson for Medical News Today, Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a neurological condition. It causes the immune system to attack the central nervous system and damage the nerves’ protective coating, which is called myelin.

Fibromyalgia, on the other hand, is a complex condition that affects many of the body’s functions. The most telltale symptom is widespread pain and tenderness in the muscles and joints. Unlike MS, fibromyalgia is not an autoimmune disease.

Yes, fibromyalgia is not quite like MS, both can have life-altering effects on both the mind and body.

If I who suffer from fibromyalgia, suffer through days when getting up to go to work is in itself a very painful endeavor, what more for those who have MS?

I can still go to the office, even when my muscles feel so sore. Or when taking a bath feels like being hit with a thousand needles. Or when my bones feel so achy and cold.

For Wildfire? For those suffering from MS? I can imagine the fear and the helplessness, and yes, I can also say that it is unfair.  What do we do? How do we cope?

“Sometimes the only thing we can do is stand next to them as they fight their own battles.”

~~Janie Crouch, Phoenix

I learned to adjust to my condition. I am strictly taking the medications prescribed to me by my doctor, but I must confess that I have yet to follow the biggest advice he gave me: change my lifestyle or look for an alternative means of livelihood.

How can I? I am a writer. Yes, writing–or typing–for long periods is, honestly, getting hard for me to do, but what can I do?

So, I cope. I take it one step at a time. I do my best to fight my own body’s weaknesses. Most of all, I read to get my mind off this ailment and to keep my mind sharp.

Because it was just all so goddamned unfair. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to lose her abilities and independence. She was so terrified of what she might become.

~~Janie Crouch, Phoenix

What I am saying is, whatever ailment you have, be it fibromyalgia, MS, cancer, even depression or anxiety … give yourself the time and space to accept that you need help. Fortify your body, fortify your mind, but most of all, fortify your spirit.

Even if you find yourself fighting a battle alone, for as long as you have faith, you can get through anything that comes your way.

Because yes, everything is possible, and that, my friend, is what gets me through day after day.